First dates can be nerve-wrecking and tricky to navigate. After all, a first date is the initial step along the path to a committed, romantic relationship. However, the point of a first date is to simply discover IF you want a second date. There’s a balancing act here between gaining valuable information AND keeping the energy high and the date fun, and not turning it into a serious and boring interview session. You want to avoid any potential awkward silence and keep the conversation natural while finding what you have in common. That’s why planning and having a list of conversation starters is important. Key word here is CONVERSATION, not interrogation!! The formula to a successful first date is knowing what questions to ask and how to ask them!
Basic and even “a little bit silly” questions can give us a lot of insight into someone’s personality, passions, work ethic, stability, values, lifestyle and goals. If you’re savvy, you’ll be able to tell a lot about someone with these questions and determine if this person has enough in alignment with your own interests and dating goals to plan a second date. Steer clear from topics such as ex talk/past relationships, money, religion and politics- too serious, too soon!!
Remember, you want to keep it light and engaging!
The best approach to dating is to have fun at every step and enjoy the adventure of meeting someone new:
1. What do you do and how long have you been doing it? Gauge their passion for their career. It’s important that your potential partner is happy in their life, that they have career direction and goals and that they are stable. It is fine to ask about career, but do not ask about salary, what kind of car they drive or if they rent or own their own home. It comes off that you only care about the money.
2. What do you when you’re not working? Discover their true personality. Do you share common interests and hobbies? Do they have a life and interests of their own or are they looking for someone else to “complete” them? How do they spend their free time? This tells you about the other person’s values and interests. If they don’t match yours, better to know now than later down the road.
3. What are your dating goals? The hardest thing to determine in people, especially in dating is intention. Just ask. Time is a precious commodity and you don’t want to be investing time into someone who is not on the same page as yourself.
4. What is one thing on your bucket list? This might seem like a silly question, but it will reveal a lot about someone. It can also lead to some interesting conversations.
5. What’s your biggest pet peeve? This will give you insight to someone’s temperament. Are they easily agitated or are they laid back and calm?
6. What are you kind of obsessed with these days? People are drawn to others who live passionate lives, it’s SEXY! Be sure to be clear on your own passions so that you can showcase your own sparkle.
7. Among your friends, what are you best known for? Most people don’t like to toot their own horns and struggle describing themselves but asking in this manner will reveal their personality and strengths.
Remember to be present and to listen. It’s common for people to get excited and want to relate to what their date is saying. Don’t jump in and cut your date off. Wait your turn! Keep your queries light-hearted and ask questions that dig a bit deeper than the superficial- and always have fun!!